things are NOT GOOD.
and they haven't gotten any better, and it's doubtful that they ever will like this. either start changing or just block out the past and move forward already, you fucking idiot.

NU-NU "BLOG" IS DUE

blahblahblah there's too much dumb shit on here to be sharing anything on it anymore. i'm trying tumblr, it seems like it's pretty simple. i may still write things on here, but i dunno.

NU-NU:

HTTP://MARYNJONES.TUMBLR.COM

<3 maryn.

i'm not cut out for this shit.

THIS SOUNDS REALLY NICE.

"Farm for sale, 185 Ridge Rd, Robbinston Maine $150,000


DownEast farm with a beautiful view of Passamaquoddy Bay! The farm includes a farmhouse with 3 large bedrooms, 1 1/4 bathrooms, wood stoves (approx 8 cord of dry, split, stove length firewood included), oil fired forced hot air heat, and a drilled well. Outbuildings include a single car garage with attached heated workshop, a large, solid barn with hay loft, and a 60 acre lot with lots of prime woodland with hunting and fishing opportunities.

House sq ft: 1400 Garage sq ft: 660 Barn sq ft: 1000
Basement: poured cement floor, stone foundation (house)
Heating: Hot air oil and wood stoves (house), wood stove (workshop)
Lot size: 330 ft x approx 1.5 mi (60 acres) Cleared: 6 acres Wooded: 50+ acres
Well: drilled
Bedrooms: 3, 2nd floor
Bathrooms: 1 full (toilet, tub, shower, sink) 2nd floor, 1 quarter (toilet only) 1st floor

This is the perfect location for someone with horses or other animals, organic farming or homesteading, or just enjoying the beauty of DownEast Maine!"

GIVE ME BACK AUGUST 23RD 2010,


before this hurt.

just because you want something doesn't mean that you can have it.

there's a light in the morning.

TIGERS JAW - SPIRIT DESIRE.

""""'''''''''''""""'''''''''""""""""

you can call me when you wanna call.

leading me back to you.

there is a sweet ringing sound. i messed up the words on the cover part. sorry. this is everything happening right now.




hard to be okay. sorry.

maybe i will just have to hold onto how perfect things were. maybe that's all i'm going to have.

FUCK
YES.

>>>>>>>>>>

.

i spent a few days on a farm with rj in rutland, ohio. it was nice to not be in columbus and to not have to think about everything going wrong. it made me just want the things that i can't have right now, like a truck and a little house where i could go when things get too unbearable. it is mostly unexplainable the way that place made me feel, but i can say that it felt good. driving into town to use the computer or get cellphone reception or to just pass the time, running through a field with two dogs by your side, and not expecting or be expected to do anything but the few chores assigned to you and everything else just being open and free to you to take in as you wish. whatever, it's romanticized and it always will be, but there's no other way to explain it. it just felt nice. i didn't really want to leave, because i knew i would get home and just sit here thinking like i am and feel badly again like i am right now.

but at least i'm listening to the sidekicks.

i don't know if i can do this.

things are going to get worse before they get better. i need to just distract myself so i can give time and space a chance to do something, if it can. no guarantees, i guess, but this way i've been dragging all over you and suffocating you with just isn't working. i guess i don't have any other choice than to just let whatever is gonna happen happen. whatever the result, i can't imagine it being any worse than it is now. if it is, i don't know what i'll do. the irony of this whole thing is that i had exactly what i wanted and have wanted for so long within close reach, and i had no fucking idea. and now i might have lost it completely. and it's all my fault.

and maybe you really will just give up. then what will i do?

i should have just kept holding on.

THINGS, GET GOOD. PLEASE. THANK YOU.

i am strong and good if i want to be. i can radiate beauty and light on my own. i don't need anyone's shoulders or arms or hands to feel okay about myself or my life. i can grow and live and breathe steadily if i just hold onto this home and my own heart and the people i love. it will be okay.
slow down, sit still, and feel what you're feeling.

ail jus wate 4 u.

i fucked things up.