i spent a few days on a farm with rj in rutland, ohio. it was nice to not be in columbus and to not have to think about everything going wrong. it made me just want the things that i can't have right now, like a truck and a little house where i could go when things get too unbearable. it is mostly unexplainable the way that place made me feel, but i can say that it felt good. driving into town to use the computer or get cellphone reception or to just pass the time, running through a field with two dogs by your side, and not expecting or be expected to do anything but the few chores assigned to you and everything else just being open and free to you to take in as you wish. whatever, it's romanticized and it always will be, but there's no other way to explain it. it just felt nice. i didn't really want to leave, because i knew i would get home and just sit here thinking like i am and feel badly again like i am right now.

but at least i'm listening to the sidekicks.